The Death of Hostess

I may be in the minority here, but isn't the death of Hostess good for America? I mean, haven't liberals told us for years that we're eating junk food and need healthier choices for our kids? So when a company that sells junk food goes bankrupt, shouldn't we be celebrating? With carrots and celery?


Jobs, schmobs. They can become carrot farmers.

So to the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers Union, I salute you for helping to stop the epidemic that is the biggening of America. Enjoy your well-deserved vacation!

Buffett's 2nd Mistake

Need to preface this by saying that Warren Buffett is one of my most admired investors. A lot of my valuation models are based on fundamental principles that Buffett has championed and mastered.

That said, I think his recent purchase of Media General is a mistake on par with buying an airline.

You can have a well-managed company with a sound business strategy, but if the market for its product is shrinking and can't be grown, you're headed for failure. And right now, the market for newspapers as physical products is shrinking. And the business model for online newspapers -- giving the content away for free -- is also not sustainable.

Obviously, Buffett has billions of reasons to say I'm wrong, and even if Media General crashes and burns it's no big loss. I suppose Buffett is seeing more upside than downside so I get the play ... it's just that it's 40 years too late.

The Solution to Herman Cain's Crisis: Affirmative Action

I have devised an elegant and novel solution to the firestorm engulfing Herman Cain: affirmative action. It's a win for all parties involved.

First, let's break things down. Let's assume I have one president who's a pervert: oral sex in the workplace with an intern, lying under oath, and a history of adultery. By all measures, a successful lecher.

Now let's assume I have another presidential pervert, who in comparison, sucks at being a lecher: He's had his share of inappropriate comments, awkward groping and a failed attempt at a sexual affair with a formal co-worker. But that's it: He isn't good enough to diddle in the workplace, conduct a series of adulterous affairs, or get forced into testifying about his sexual escapades under oath. A pervert fail.

Why the disparity? Simple. The successful pervert is white, the far less successful one is black.

And as a direct result of this inequity, the white pervert is qualified to serve as President of the United States. The black one is stuck selling pizzas.

Although our society has made great strides in breaking down color barriers, when it comes to being a pervert, structural inequities exist.

And thus, my solution: Using affirmative action to elevate Herman Cain to successful pervert.

This is a win for all parties: For Herman Cain, this enables him to be qualified to run for POTUS, and if anything, makes him more -- not less -- palatable to liberal voters who have supported successful perverts in the past.

For his accusers, affirmative action ensures that their claims of sexual harrassment, whether true or not, are now made 100% valid. (In fact, we should encourage more people to come forward and accuse the Hermanator. This would help combat claims that affirmative action is an unfair double standard that penalizes more qualified white perverts).

Finally, for the Al Sharptons and Rev. Jesse Jacksons of the world, we have a chance to prove that affirmative action, in a world of successful white perverts and white accusers, can help fix the structural racism in today's society.

I am serious, let's do this: Affirmative action for Herman Cain.

Occupy Wall Street: A Visual Explanation

Well, that pretty much explains it all in a nut-shell.

And what's up with the shoes made by a greedy corporation? Hypocrat.

Ditch vs. Cliff -- Ditch Wins

One of Obama's favorite metaphors is that Republicans drove the economy into the ditch. Fine. Let's pursue that analogy a bit further.

Given the rising deficit, massive debt, anemic recovery, and high unemployment, it seems like Obama, in a drunken spending frenzy, is driving the that car off the cliff.

At least in a ditch, we can tow the car out, and point it back toward the right direction. The car might need some repair, but at least it won't be lost forever.

So next time you hear that metaphor, just remember: If it's your car, and you had to choose ... choose the ditch.